Failed Transfers That Would Have Changed English Football

Every football fan loves a good transfer rumour, whether they admit it or not. What I like even more is thinking about the transfers that never quite happened. That’s why I wrote this article for WhatCulture.

Imagine what English football would look like today if Fergie’s Man Utd had signed David Hirst instead of Cantona, or if Roy Keane had signed for Blackburn instead? What if Lewandowski’s flight to England hadn’t been cancelled and he made his name in the Premier League instead of the Bundesliga? What if a teenage Maradona had pitched up at Bramall Lane in the ’70s?

They all nearly happened. You can read all 10 near-miss transfer tales here.

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Grace: A Serialised Novel

‘”But once in a while, you would come across someone really amazing. Someone whom you swear was separated from you at birth. Sometimes you become best friends with that person. Sometimes you fall in love. You think nothing of giving this person your phone number, inviting them to visit you, telling them your every thought, desire…but sometimes these people are dangerous. Sometimes they completely destroy your sanity, your family, and your life. Unfortunately, one person I met did just that.”‘

For better or worse, I decided to serialise a novel on Jukepop. Currently there are 4 chapters of Grace online, and I do my best to update it every month or two (depending on how busy I am).

Grace has been kicking around in various forms on my computer for almost a decade, so I decided putting it online would be a good way to give it a definitive form.

You can read it here, and I’ll post on this site too when it gets updated. I hope you enjoy it.

The Ridiculous Six Review

Adam Sandler’s Netflix exclusive comedy western, The Ridiculous Six, was the first film I ever reviewed for Comic Bastards. In was an inauspicious start, as it was the first film I had ever seen (and remains so even now. Yes, worse than The Room. At least that is funny).

I gave the film 1/5 (1 is as low as the ranking system goes. If I could have gone into minus figures, I would have) and said that “the truth is that there are hundreds upon hundreds of films to choose from on Netflix – and I would bet this overlong, unfunny, borderline offensive mess is the worst.”

Read the full review here.

I Rip Into American Horror Story: Murder House and Asylum

My fiance, most of my work mates, and various friends and family members are big fans of the American Horror Story anthology series. It’s safe to say that having seen the first two seasons, I am not.

I reviewed Murder House and Asylum together for Comic Bastards. I gave it a score of 2/5, noting that it feels “as though it’s written by an excitable child with ADHD”.

Read the full review(s) here.